November 12, 2023

11.12.23

This endless, unimaginable, unrelenting pain

it is relenting.

It’s sacrificing the hold it had around me

and is replaced by fleeting moments of

quiet.

Oh, how my mind can hear itself think again

These thoughts and ideas have been repressed for

far too long.

They are to be released

Reproduce the joy from silence

and the peace from dreaming again.

My eyes still glaze over when I am emotionally paralyzed

when I remember the pain

when I feel the memories

but how could they not?

After all

the hurt comes from care

There was once

long ago now

relief and strength coursing through me

I was protected by my imagination

imagining that people were good

People are good

that’s why it still aches

For heavy emotions come from love

They come from opening up and letting people see

the darkness contained in me

and being loved nonetheless.

I am perpetually in pain

but it falters.

My lungs fill with fresh air and my skin absorbs sunshine

and somewhere at some time

I started to live again.

There is pain amongst the new joy

This joy

which I have created for myself

will remain even when

the pain has dissolved into

nothing but sand.