December 6, 2023

Waking in Darkness

The day is grim

the sun pretends to shine

when it wants nothing more than to rest.

Maybe it is shining but

I am wearing gray-tinted glasses.

Outside the light hits the little

skin that is exposed

I have forgotten the warmth of nature

that fills me when I cannot myself

the light burns through gray-tinted glasses

yet cannot fully break through.

Smoke fills my lungs as a substitute

for joy unable to be felt

the joy that has been robbed from me

but no one calls the cops when they see

someone breaking and entering in

my heart and my soul and my mind.

The depths of eye bags hold

pain and helplessness.

In the mirror I ask

does this body love?

There is no answer of course

just eyes disguised 

as broken glass 

haunting the space and

staring back at me.

My lips crack to reveal

self-inflicted teeth shaped cuts 

from biting with some unknown mission

if I do this long enough

will things get better?

I am broken

and afraid

of everything.