December 6, 2022
Catholic High School: Was it worth it?
(Creative Non-Fiction)
When I was 13, my parents decided that they were going to send me to a Catholic high school. My public school had a bad reputation and they wanted me to go to a school where I could be challenged academically to become better prepared for college. I was distraught that I would be leaving my childhood friends and starting over at a new school where I didn’t know anyone. Neither my parents nor myself could have anticipated that after going to Catholic school, I would end up on two different antidepressants, therapy appointments every week, and four years of trauma to unpack and work through.
Looking back, attending a Catholic high school has helped me academically now that I am in college. My high school offered AP, dual enrollment, and honors classes that my previous public school did not. The honors classes aided to prepare me for a collegiate workload while taking AP and dual enrollment classes set me ahead of my peers in college. Before setting foot on campus, I had 16 credits (a semester’s worth of classes) and the majority of my general education classes completed. I had the opportunity to take classes within my major starting my first semester, and now have more flexibility within my schedule to take other classes that I am interested in. As someone curious about studying various subjects, the head start makes it easier for me to pursue minors and double majors. I would not have had this opportunity at my public school, however, academics were not the only aspect of the school.
Within my first week at my new school, I realized just how much Catholic beliefs are forced into the school culture. On the first day of freshman year, a voice came over the intercom and told everyone to stand for the pledge and prayer. If anyone tried to remain sitting, a faculty member immediately demanded that they stand up. This went on every day for the next four years. Following this trend, we had a mandatory mass once a month. Whether a student was Catholic or not, they were required to attend mass with no exceptions. Even if people tried to leave before mass, they would get a call from the school directing them to come back. In these masses, the priest would preach different biblical stories, some of which can be quite harmful to teenagers. I remember a specific mass where the priest told a story about how a woman menstruating had to stay away from the public to not “infect” others, but risked it to see Jesus. Telling this folktale to adolescents further stigmatizes periods and reinforces the idea that people should not talk about their period or make it known that they menstruate. Inflicting Catholic beliefs onto teenagers fails to allow them to form their own ideas regarding religion and spirituality.
Concerning Catholic values in school, their view on dress codes is highly biased and outdated. The restrictions tend to be hypocritical with endless restrictions on what women can wear and barely any for men’s attire. Interestingly enough, it is typically the diocese that makes the dress code rules rather than the school administration itself. This is problematic since the diocese does not know how their restrictions will affect the students considering that they only occasionally visit the school. A member of the diocese visited my school last year and relayed a message to the principal that expressed their disappointment in “the lack of modesty in dress for girls, particularly the length of skirts.” Using language such as “modesty” is detrimental to teenagers; it gives women the impression that they must cover up while simultaneously giving men the sense that women must change for them. The dress code in Catholic high schools enforces sexist stereotypes that are truly destructive to teenagers who are in the process of shaping their own opinions.
One of the most harmful aspects of Catholic schools is their lack of acceptance of the LGBTQIA community. Since religious classes are required, this gives schools a place where they can teach homophobic beliefs to their students. I was taught by one of my teachers that “looking at the anatomy of a man and a woman,” proves that only heterosexual couples should be together. Having this belief explained to me as a queer teen in the closet made me feel unsafe the moment I stepped into school. As someone who came out as both queer and non-binary in high school, I know from experience that the unsupportive environment significantly affected my mental health. When I told my school that I no longer identified as female, they responded that there was not much they could do. The dean spoke to the diocese and they concluded that using my preferred pronouns would not be allowed since it would encourage behavior that did not align with their values. This “behavior” that they disapproved of was being a part of the LGBTQ community openly at school. The anxiety that was already present at school worsened when I realized that I would never have my correct pronouns used for the rest of my time in high school. The only liberating feeling was when I walked across the stage at graduation and knew that I was finally free from that prejudiced environment.
It has been six months since I graduated and I have started to heal from the trauma inflicted upon me. However, it is a slow and strenuous process. Flashbacks of myself on the floor of the bathroom (one that did not align with my identity) and having a panic attack for simply existing within my school haunt me. I get waves of sadness for my past self: the teenager who could not live but had to work to survive at an age far too young. Now, any conversation about the Catholic church or private high schools is severely triggering for me. I carry the physical and mental scars with me every day, both as a reminder of what I have survived and what I have recovered from. I am healing, but I should not have had to endure this in the first place.