October 20, 2023

10 Years Ago

Come my child it’s time to get up

I hear the angelic voice 

My eyes remain closed as my ears 

strain for more clues on the voice

Footsteps on a mission

A door nearby creaks as it is opened

Light fills my closed eyes

Where am I?

A gentle hand touches my shoulder

Time to get up little bug

I open my eyes to see my mom from a younger time

There’s independence and joy in her eyes

She’s tired but happy

I smile up at her

Confused but grateful to see this version of her

after all these years

I missed her

To my left is an old brown dresser 

It used to be my mom’s 

Why did we get rid of it?

To my right is a window

We walk my dog on that path

I get up out of habit and look in the mirror

Staring back at me are 

the eyes of my 10-year-old self

My heart beats hard into my ears

I go downstairs and sit at the counter

where we have all our dinners

My mom, my brother, and me

I had a bad dream I think?

My mom turns to me from coffeemaker

What about?

I grew up and a lot of bad things happened to me

She walks toward me and embraces me in her arms

It is when my cheek hits her sweater that I realize

I am crying

Oh honey, I’m sorry

As much as I don’t like it, you will grow up and bad things will happen

But so much good will happen too

It is the good you must focus on

I let her words sink in as I smell her

She smells the same

I’m afraid to move

I want to stay here forever

In my mom’s arms

In our old house

In my 10-year-old body

Please don’t make me go back

I plead to myself

There is too much bad coming

I want to stay here

I want to relive the past 10 years

I want to try again and be better

I want to enjoy my time

Please let me enjoy my time

The time before I ever hurt myself

or abused substances

At 10 I have already had enough bad

Please don’t make me go back to where it is worse

I need it here

I need to stay

Just me and my mom

10 years ago.