October 18, 2023

My(?) Voice

The hopelessness of myself 

leaks into the lives of others

of people who are helping me

when I lack the strength to 

help myself.

The waves of depression

bleed into all aspects of my life

those I formerly enjoyed

are now filled with despair.

I’m dragging this body of mine that is 

alive but with the smell of death

it is limp and has lost all color

if it wasn’t my own

I would be more concerned.

My mind is humid

smoggy almost

I hear a question

Where did it go?

I hear the words

What do they mean?

The capacity to think

to be intelligent

no longer exists within me.

I open my mouth

words come out

Are they mine?

Where is my voice?

I might have left it 

back where it was 

ripped from my vocal cords

“Where did you last see it?”

Around the corner there

A hand was holding the bloody pieces

the ground was stained crimson

his knuckles clutched my voice 

suffocated it

and mutilated it.

Yeah, that’s where I last saw it

that’s the last time I had a voice

Does that help?

Can you find it now?

Can you fix me now?

Can you help me?