October 10, 2023

Reworking “New Year’s Day” 

The day feels grim

as if even the sun is pretending to shine

when it wants nothing more than to rest.

The sun shone in my room but it

didn’t to me

like I was wearing gray-tinted glasses.

Outside the sun hits the little 

skin that is exposed

I have forgotten the warmth of nature

that fills me when I cannot myself

the sun burns through the gray-tinted glasses

yet cannot fully break through.

Smoke fills my lungs as a substitute

for the joy I cannot feel

the joy that has been robbed from me

but no one calls the cops when they see

someone breaking and entering in

my heart and my soul and my mind.

The depths of my eye bags show 

my pain and helplessness. 

In the mirror I ask 

does this thing love?

There is no answer of course

only small bowls of 

darkness disguised as eyes

staring back at me.

The cracks in my lips reveal

dried cuts inflicted by my teeth

biting with some unknown mission

if I do this long enough

will things get better?

I am broken 

and afraid 

of everything.